Love sucks

The way I see it: we always search for it,anyone and everyone is chasing it even though they pretend otherwise,I don't mean just love from a partner but from family and friends. We want to be loved,accepted,wanted,appreciated. We want to deserve their love,for us to not dissapoint them,to do little things for them,help them and show our love in our own way.Even though I dissapoint my mum when it comes to school grades and not remembering certain things,or I'm a fucked up friend and mess around with a guy my bestfriend likes,or even cheat on my boyfriend,yes I've messed up a lot and I've got no excuse (sounds like nine crimes haha) I still want all those peoples love. I may try to make ammends but at times nothing can make up for the mistakes I've made. For my mum and myself I try to study more and be better,I buy her little presents 'cause I love the idea of her having something from me and thinking about me for example when she puts that pair of earrings on or reads that book or watches that movie,for my friends I try to be there for them when they need me the most or they're just bored and need a distraction,and I always tell myself I will never cheat again and be a better girlfriend,I haven't a boyfriend since me and the one I cheated on broke up (not because of that,we got back together afterwards) the fact I cheated will always be there with me at the back of my mind so I'm hoping I'll never do it again when someone else comes along.

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